Yet another member of the tribe starts a blog ^(link)
10:10 AM
The oldest member of our tribe is Uncle, and he now has a blog. He was the oldest when we met him, and he'll be the oldest when we're old.

I have a soft spot for Uncle. He is the type of man that bitches. Yes, it's true. He thinks the universe has it in for him. Going out with him is an exercise in patience as you listen to his fascinating rants that range from the government to eating habits of african tribes. He doesn't complain as per se, he bitches. It's a long stream of complex accusations, consipiracy theories and vehement mental abuse.

So anyway, besides that he is a very nice guy who takes marvelous photos. We dubbed his camera 'Monster Dick' because it's a very exepensive digital slr camera that has a wang roughly the size of a human wang.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Moving House! ^(link)
12:13 AM
Liquidblade (our server) is moving to a new home. Our spanking new home is horribly fast, has a shitload of webspace and enlongates our wangs.

So this journal may be down while we move our shit to our home.

Please be patient.

See ya soon!

Here's a pic for you. Can you guess what it is?

Sunday, March 14, 2004
A Pretty Good Sunday ^(link)
11:58 PM
At 6am, the alarm(actually a program on my computer) goes off and plays 'Alone in Kyoto' until 8am. I wake gf up and we slowly rise up to drive to the stadium where we run 3 rounds before gf declares defeat. We walk back to the car and drink our fruit juice(cranberry and fuji apple). We then go for breakfast.

At about 10.30am, we're back at my place. I switch 'Starsky & Hutch' but gf doesnt want to watch it because there are no mandarin subtitles so I put on MTV's 'Pimp My Ride' instead which she enjoys.

At 12pm, we're at that snazzie new taiwanese joint with a lot of water-themed decorations at the Paragon with her cousins for brunch. Taiwanese food is awful. All they eat is sticky rice, yucky steamed dumplings and weird dim sim. When I get the bill (I have to pay, being the bf of the cousin) I'm rather pleased because I managed to feed 5 people for only 43 bucks. So perhaps taiwanese food isnt so bad after all. I am a cheapskate.

My parents arrive in Singapore at about 3pm and pick us up from Takashimaya. We then proceed to make our way to the Singapore Expo Center at Simei. I call SD for directions.

At 4pm, I realize we were horribly lost. Thank goodness SD comes to the rescue in his little red car to direct us to the Expo. Only my mom and brother go in to look at the Body World's show. For those of you who have no idea what that is, please find out here. I have no wish to look at dead bodies. It is disgusting and probably infects you with negative chi. So SD, my dad and gf proceed to Coffee Bean where we drink coffee instead.

After my mom and bro emerged, SD showed us the way to the Fishermen's Village at Pasir Ris Beach. Unfortunately SD didnt join us for dinner. We had seafood for dinner by the shore. The chilli crab was most excellent.

All in all, an excellent day.

The Butterfly Effect ^(link)
12:38 AM
Here is how I spent my sat

12pm
Wake up from a most incredible dream. I somehow married a woman and went through the whole lifecycle thing with her. When I woke up, I could not remember her face.

12.30pm
Gf calls to say she'll be working a little late so she'll meet me at 6pm.

1pm - 4pm
Make some curry noodles for lunch. Also ate the last of my incredibly smelly but delicious garlic ham with some wholemeal bread. Online chat with some friends. Watched Monty Python's 'The Meaning of Life'.

4.30pm
Suffocating. Changed and got out of the house.

5pm
Gf calls to say she'll be late. Had to drive her niece to the clinic. Doesnt her sister have a husband with a very nice car? How come he never has to do any shit like that?

6pm
Incredibly heavy downpour. I wait for gf in a KFC. While I wait, I read the papers and sip a coke. Waiting sucks man.

7.30pm
Gf arrives, we drive to the mall behind my place because of the rain. First we buy movie tickets to 'The Butterfly Effect' for 9.30pm. Then we spend 20 mins queuing to get in at the Ramen shop where we have Ramen(duh), baby octopus and salmon sushi. Gf throws tantrum because I ask her to hurry a little so we go to the supermarket before the movie.

12am
Whoa, 'The Butterfly Effect' was a good movie. I think it's almost as good as 'Momento'. We drive home.

12.45am
Gf is asleep in bed as I blog this.

Saturday, March 13, 2004
Are You A Revirgin? ^(link)
2:27 AM
Today I went for lunch with SD and Mandrake after collecting my Deep Purple concert tickets from the Singapore Conference Hall. We went to have the latest lamb burger at Burger King which tastes more like chicken. After that we went to the stylo-cafe-with-the-incredibly-cute-waitress for a cappucino where I vehemently protested against SD's latest plan to purchase a new expensive model rc plane to crash and smash.

The greenlight was given to our tribe's latest screwball idea to brew our own beer. The gov has effectively lowered the license for a home brewery from SGD100,000 to SGD100. In a few months, we will be able to drink that stuff which makes us so charming and sexy - for free.

After work, the tribe (Angrybeaver came along this time) went to Popeye's at Changi airport for dinner. We had to brave the insane traffic on the ECP to get there. I think the standard of chicken at Popeye's has dropped somewhat. But I was so bleeding hungry I didn't really notice. After dinner, we went to the newly renovated hawker center at East Coast for drinks. It resembles a luxury chalet now. The toilets are of the open concept variety.

What an interesting night. The table next to us had skanky china prostitutes going on about their lovers and bla bla. We now have a new theory about male virginity - if you dont have sex for 5 years, you're re-virginized.

A certain young lady who reads this blog sms'ed us to apply to join the tribe. Unfortunately we do not extend membership to persons born without a wang as we consider the wang to be the paramount tool to achieving enlightenment.

Mandrake has now lowered his expectations for a gf. He is now ready to accept women with a minimum of a B cup (previously the min was a C cup). He claims this has effectively opened up a whole new world of women for him.It's like a veil was lifted and the world suddenly seems to have a lot more women. The stupid wang doesnt seem to realize - if he was prepared to accept A cups, then the whole bleeding world would be his oyster.

We went home at about 1am.

The pic belows shows an ideal member of our tribe. Lots of wangs, an abundance of wangs and girth of wang. Wang wang wang.



ARTIST: David Soul
TITLE: Don't Give Up On Us

Don't give up on us, baby
Don't make our love seem light
The future isn't just one night
It's written in the moonlight
And painted on the stars
We can't change ours

/ A Amaj7 / D E / C#m F#m / D A / / Bm - /

Don't give up on us, baby
We're still worth one more try
I know we put our last one by
Just for a rainy evening
When maybe stars are few
Don't give up on us, I know we can still come through

/ " / " / " / " / D C#7 / D E A - /

I really lost my head last night
You've got a right to start believing
There's still a little love left, even so

/ F Fmaj7 / E A / C#7 F#m Bm E /

Don't give up on us, baby
Lord knows we've come this far
Can't we stay the way we are?
The angel and the dreamer
Who sometimes plays a fool
Don't give up on us, I know
We can still come through

It's written in the moonlight
And painted on the stars
We can't change ours

/ D A / / Bm - /

Friday, March 12, 2004
Shit Week ^(link)
10:06 AM
I declare this week, 'Shit Week'.

It's a bona fide lousy horribilis maximus period.

It's one of those days when you feel like everything is going wrong, everyone is against you and all your applicances seem to be breaking down.

Yes , the reason for my blog is for me to bitch because sometimes people have no idea what you're feeling so you have to look for another outlet.

My income tax is giving me nightmares. It's adding on to my existing debts and will prevent me from sleeping easy for the rest of this year.

At work, all of my major projects have run into funding problems due to weak senior management. This translates into bad news for me since all the mandays I put into them have gone to waste and will not be included in my performance ratings - which means lousy bonus and pay raise.

Also office politics are driving me up the wall. Dealing with my problems and having to watch my back all the time is getting really exhausting. Reading between the lines is such a chore.

Then we have my gf who seems to enjoy giving me grief. I really don't know who to tell this to anymore. It seems like lately I've become the bad guy to the rest of the world because of the way I handle(or unable to handle) the situation. Cmon guys, do you really think I would be doing the things I'm doing if I had a choice?

And the the last straw - TJ sends me a photo of himself and the pyramids of giza. I've been dying to gothere like forever and TJ gets to go there on a free business trip. What gives!? Unfair!? I should have became an energy broker too.

Yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself and depressed.

Things I don't really want to hear when I'm in this mood
1) You know what to do, why don't you just do it
2) Breakup with her lah
3) Why can't you realize how lucky you are
4) Blatant sarcasm
5) The bitter truth

Things I would like to hear, and would cheer me up
1) Yes, life sucks - let's go get a beer
2) Yes, your gf is such an ungrateful person
3) My life sucks too.

Thursday, March 11, 2004
Enter the Qayin ^(link)
11:27 PM
I am Cowboy Qayin, banished to the land of nod by my gf.

Yes, I've decided that I'm dating again. In fact, I've got a date lined up this weekend.

Ok, you can start throwing stones now.

Wednesday, March 10, 2004
No More Negative Karma Here Ok? ^(link)
9:07 PM
Ok, I will not post anything negative anymore because somebody just told me it makes me look like a little lost boy.

Okie dokie.

Confucious Says Be A Good Son ^(link)
4:20 PM
Dad's birthday is at the end of this month. Here are his presents:

1) 2 Tickets to Deep Purple's concert in Fort Canning Park.
2) A new mobile phone, with all those new fangled features.

Cowboy Caleb is a filial son.

Anti-Smurf Embodiment ^(link)
8:58 AM
I'm feeling rather down despite having passed my exam and received a bonus.

Reason 1:
Had a big fight with gf last night. I couldn't contact her on her mobile between 7pm to 12am because she switched her mobile off when she drove her mother into Singapore. I got really worried that something might have happened. When she finally called at 12.30am, she was in a bad mood because she had just had a quarrel with her mother. Naturally this escalated into a big fight when I accused her of being inconsiderate and taking me for granted. Oh and of course the fact that she didnt really give a toss I passed my exams. What's the use of good things happening to you if the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with isnt happy for you?

Reason 2:
I'm swamped with work. Right now, I doing shit that I thought was the job of our lawyers - going over contracts to check for compliance. I've been working late everyday, and will probably be working this weekend too. This totally stresses me out.

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Today In My Life ^(link)
11:33 PM
Today, I found out I passed my final exam for my degree.

Also I found out they're paying my performance bonus into my salary this month.

Join My Universe~! ^(link)
10:54 PM
I finally got into ICQ universe.

Click here so I can add you to my universe.

You will sleep with me if I sing this song for you ^(link)
12:54 AM
'Blue Eyes' by Elton John


Blue eyes baby's got blue eyes
Like a deep blue sea
On a blue blue day
Blue eyes baby's got blue eyes
When the morning comes
I'll be far away
And I say

Blue eyes holding back the tears
Holding back the pain
Baby's got blue eyes
And she's alone again

If you were blessed enough to know how to play the guitar/piano as a teenager, you must have found out that certain songs would get you laid, if you serenade the ladies with it.

This is my latest weapon of choice. Gracias, Elton Fag John.

Monday, March 08, 2004
Heavy Rain ^(link)
1:51 PM
Incredibly heavy rain today. Couldnt even cross the road for lunch without getting wet. The little cafe next to MPH bookstore was totally flooded with water.

Just heard on the radio that most of the central business district is now 12 inches underwater. Traffic lights on Orchard roads have all gone dead. All traffic has come to a standstill. Visibility is bad.

Pics from Shenton Way:

ICQ Universe ^(link)
8:51 AM
Are any of you using ICQ Universe yet?

I can't figure out how to start using it. Perhaps one of you needs to invite me into the universe or something first?

If you're already in, could you please invite me? I think is could be the better version of friendster cause it's got ICQ integrated into it.

My UIN is 991450. Cmon and invite Cowboy Caleb into your universe.

Sunday, March 07, 2004
Weekend Review ^(link)
11:49 PM
Martha Stewart is probably going tojail. I'm kinda sad, because I always thought she was a stylo mylo matron. Looking back at all the her books I borrowed from the library, I'm going to miss her alot. She was such a better influence compared to that IKEA catalog I like to look at.

Sat night was very frustrating. For the first time since I was 16, I got a case of the blue balls. We were necking(the wandering hands) in the car, and I absolutely could not find a deserted dark desolate spot to park. I must have made 10 rounds around the Sultan's palace but all the previously dark spots now sport brand new lamp posts. Finally I gave up and we went for tea instead at the mamak shop near her house.

Wedding Cakes
The Wedding Cake is perhaps the single most important confectionary you will ever purchase in your life. Having said so, I have been giving serious thought lately to what kind of cake I will purchase when the time comes. I like the meringue bouquet, the white chocolate tower and the transferware cake.

WTF am I doing this for?

My gf's best friend has just invited us to her wedding next month! No prizes for guessing what kind of preassure I am under now!

Saturday, March 06, 2004
Bored Ramblings From The Office ^(link)
1:49 PM
Blogs are ruining my life

Spoke to SD about the title of his blog a few nights ago. We tried to come out with some names. SD wanted to name it 'Injun Joe' because I'm 'Cowboy Caleb'. That means mandrake's blog should be 'Madame Mini-Wang's Salon'.

Some other names:
Outlaw Omar
S.D Wang
Sherrif Subramaniam
Almighty Buck

Damn, I hate sats in the office. I'm going crazy from boredom.

Friday, March 05, 2004
Friday Roundup ^(link)
10:56 PM
At 3pm, I left the office along with 3 busloads of staff to Toa Payoh Stadium for the 'Sports For Life' programme. The idea is we're all supposed to walk 2.4km and they measure our heartbeat after that. This is in-line with the healthy lifestyle programme currently promoted by the National Health Board. I was just there because I have to attend 3 company wide events this year.

Walking (fast) for 2.4km is a lot harder then running. I never realized how much harder it was. My shins hurt like fark. At 5.30pm everything was over so I went for coffee with my ex-colleagues who were still based at the HDB project.

At 8pm, the tribe came to pick me up from my house and we went over to Dan Ryan's at Tanglin for dinner.

Had a big fight with gf tonight because she's working this sat and sun (again). I thought I was supposed to be relentless workaholic, and she the neglected woman. This really makes me mad/sad/bad. It also shrinks my wang.

Jean sent me this: The Rainbow Plucking Orgy
I'm stunned because I grew up watching the damned show!

Tales of Self-Loathing & Despair ^(link)
10:08 AM
To tell his side of the tale, the much maligned SD has launched his own blog to defend his honor.

Since we have most of our adventures together, reading his blog will be like looking at the flipside of whatever I blog.

He's such a whore. Click here to read his drivel.

Thursday, March 04, 2004
The Tribe Flies An Aeroplane ^(link)
11:47 PM
Today after work, the tribe went to the Kallang Mac Dee's and bought big mac(SGD4.95) dinners at the drive-in. Them McJobs are amazing because we got our food in less then 30 secs. Then we drove a little further up the carpark where there weren't many cars.

The reason we were in carpark (located at forsaken Kallang) was because SD bought a remote controled plane and we wanted to play with it. So while munching on fries, SD took out the plane from the box and started reading the instructions.

I held the plane. SD used the remote and got the propellers spinning. He shouted let go, and I let the plane go - at which that point the plane simply plummeted to the ground.

Then AngryBeaver went 'You gotta make it go against the wind' bla bla and picks up the plane. SD starts the propellers again and this time AngryBeaver flings the plane forward. The plane flies upward in a big arch, does a spin and crashes to the ground.

We ran to inspect the plane which lay like a wounded laskar on the gravel pavement. One of the propellers had broke. So SD's plane was out of commission and we had nothing left to play with. We ate our burgers and watched learning drivers try to attempt paralel parking. SD must have got frustrated because he took some beer out of the boot (leftovers from the bbq) and started drinking.

After that we went for coffee. AngryBeaver confessed that lately he felt like his psychic powers were awakening. He is now capable of identifying women who 'like it up the arse' or have 'lesbian tendencies'. We think that he's just insane, horny and needs to find a gf - fast.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004
A Good Day ^(link)
11:20 PM
Had a pretty good day today. At 12pm went for lunch at a taiwanese restaurant with that mauritius gal. Gotta stop seeing her. We both know it's hopeless.

Then at 1pm, met up with Jean for lunch at my fav peranakan restaurant. As usual Jean was full of acid wit and charm. We'll play the game called 'When will Caleb get married' and 'Why is Caleb such a wuss, always giving in to his gf'. I'll miss Jean when she moves to her new job far far away in the west. No more acid lunches.

At 4pm, boss tells me to sex up a document for him, so he can use it during his meeting with his boss. He's been making me do that a lot lately. I write very sexy documents. Full of business jargon and mental manipulation. Not like my blog which is full of spelling mistakes, bad grammar and singaporean colloquialism. My documents are so sexy that grown men get a hard-on while reading it. Yeah baby yeah.

At 5.30pm, eight 500-page proposals get delivered to my desk. I now have until next week to write a report summarizing all of them. Oh I knew it was to good to last.

Now listening to 'Fantino' - Sebastien Tellier

Tuesday, March 02, 2004
Really Horrible BBQ Pics ^(link)
11:24 PM
Ok it's not the camera. This time I used an exepensive dick camera that belonged to SD. Here are some of the pics.

Here is the pavilion we transformed into a bbq pit.


The fire did look a lot larger in the night.


Here's the grub

My First Yoga Lesson ^(link)
2:33 PM
Dear Jean,

I'm sorry I couldnt have lunch with you today. You see, I forgot that my first yoga lesson was today from 12.30pm to 1.30pm. I tried sms'ing you and left voice mail, but I think you may have had your phone switched off.

Yoga was fun but challenging. We did pranayama and asanas today. At the end of the lesson, I felt my limbs were much more flexible and my breathing was smooth. I was also sweating because some of the exercises involved a lot of upper body strength that I didn't know existed. Women seem to pick it up faster, being lighter and more supple.

By the way, the instructor says I'm a SNAG because I'm the only male in the class. I have no idea why no other men signed up. I don't mind really. 80% of the females are cute, including the instructor.

So Jean, how about lunch tomorrow instead?

ohhmmmm,
caleb

Being Responsible Adults 101 ^(link)
10:22 AM
It's truly frightening that my boss who just received a No-Sick-Leave-For-A-Year award is on medical leave today.

Since he must really be sick to finally be taking medical leave, it's even scarier that he's working from home - I've been receiving instructions via email from him.

Lastly the scariest part is we're all treating today like a sat. Nobody feels inclined to do anything. So you have a bunch of expensive consultants sitting around talking about baby boots, dim sum and chocolate cake.

My bad, my bad.

Calendar ^(link)
9:57 AM
Mandrake, I've put my calendar online. Now it's your turn, bitch.

View my calendar